STAND UP COMEDY

1)

Did you remember the ad Axe Deodorant?

When a boy followed by thousands of girls

He just used axe deo.

I thought , I will also

Then I applied all over my body

Went to the office and said ,

<clap>common girls

No one came

I only approached that girl aren’t you feeling some fragrance

<female>She said, No exactly fragrance but I am feeling some kind of a smell, you know the kind of rat died and

2)

Ascent : Priest

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.

Hyderabadi version of twinkle

Twinkle twinkle haule staraaan

Ghaliz potte kidhar jara

Kya re miyan theroko bolro main

Are jaa re  jaa baigan ke baalan .

We use lot of words in wrong place…BACKSIDE

Where is this synergy park

Indira Gandhi backside

Hey u come  home we will grow  carrot in backside

My friends is in the backside , riding me

3)

One of my childhood friend has his name in sync with his nature

His name is Fakruddin

Fakruddin had some problem so he went to a doctor

Fak : I have some problem

Doc: Hmm tell me

Fak: No actually I have some pain here backside

Doc: Ok, wears his gloves, u pull down ur pants, I will insert my hand let me know exactly where the pain is , I will give the treatment accordingly

Doc: Here, noo, still inside , here, no still inside, here, no still inside here , yes yes

Doc: hits sim, idiot , why did u not tell me that u have tonsils problem

He was little shy so

4)

I have heard in multiplexed just like 3D glasses they are giving blankets too

I asked them, why blankets

They replied sir, in case u feel like getting intimate

That’s very thoughtful of u, may be there will be surgeons.

U are watching the movie and u want ur kidney stone removed or get a brain transplant done

Which u might need if u r watching a ram gopal varma film

You really have to buy a guide along with the movie to understand what he wants to explain

Even a quick Botox

Just slide under the blanket and things will never be the same again.

5)Jokes

Some environmental experts believe that global warming is a real threat now

Imran hashmi and Sunny leonine should be held responsible as due to recent circulations of certain videos on internet the Himalayas have started melting.

5)

The Management Jargon of our corporate sector use a very unique and ambiguous language

Letting you go \ Pink slip: No I am talking what Mrs. Sharma comes wearing in the balcony every day, it just simply says U idiot u r no longer useful, Get lost.

So it was my appraisal time, then suddenly outlook beeped a mail from PM asking me to come in to cabin for a discussion

I stood up did surya namesakar , went round the my cabin 3 times and  slowly went to his cabin…

CONGRATUALTIONS!

You are Fantastic, Super, Mind Blowing, Unbelievable! and handed me an envelope.

As I opened the coffin, I mean the envelope. It read

As per the Company Penal Code (1984) under the section 302 your rating is below average and you are rated as ‘C’

Why ‘C’

We know u already are Fantastic, Super, Mind Blowing, Unbelievable,so because u met your expectations u are rated as ‘C’

6) Very soon in IT companies there will be a paradigm shift in resource allocation

Resources on the bench would be shouting:

Dotnet , Java, BI , SAP……….

Manual, auto mated testing …….

Manager on the top floor sees:

Hey dot net babu , come here clean up the code and go ……..